Delusional
by Meguro-ku
Summary: "It's not like he wanted to continue living. It was the delusions he continued living for. " Angsty-filled angst. Contains Character Death, Suicide, language. Schizophrenia!
1. Image

Ahh..I shouldn't be doing this. A have a thousand and a half other fics to be working on. I even have to catch up on schoolwork. But I can't resist! I got a idea from a story, and I've been so tempted ever since. And I hardly write anything serious. So, why not?

Title: Delusional  
Rating: T (May go up after time)  
Warnings: Character death, angsty, cursing, and Kouji being a Skitzo.  
Summary: What if Kouichi Kimera couldn't be revived and died in the emergency room? Kouji then starts seeing Kouichi everywhere, and is diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

* * *

_Knock Knock!_

The person behind the door didn't wait for a answer and swung it open revealing a doctor wearing a white coat. How cliche, his patient would think. He walked into the white room, with nothing but a small bed with white sheets on it. He sat down on the end of the mattress facing his patient.

The room was a clean white, however the atmosphere would creep Dr. Kido out. He would describe it as dark and morbid. But he wouldn't sound surprised, they were in a mental institution after all. 's heart would sink every time he walked in  
the small room. Even if his patient was a possible danger to himself and others, anyone would probably go insane if left in these kind of conditions. Kido had become attached to this patient, and would spend more time with him than another patient. As unprofessional as it may be, Kouji was Kido's friend.

The patient, known as Minamoto Kouji, sat up slightly when he noticed Dr. Kido enter the room. But his attention still seemed to be on something else. _Someone_ else. His handsome face was flawed now. He had dark circles underneath his dark blue eyes. His long dark jet black hair seemed to be all over the place, not that he had a brush to brush it with of course. The room was stripped bared of even the simplest items, the doctors feared the patients may use anything to harm themselves or the people that visit them. Kouji was left alone for a lot of the day with nothing real to entertain him. They left him with his thoughts and delusions but not on purpose. Not that he minded. It's not like he wanted to continue living. It was the delusions he continued living for.

"Are you hungry?" Kido asked in a worried tone.

"Not really," Kouji replies, giving his doctor a small smile. His voice was soft and fragile.

"Well you have to eat something. It won't be good for you if you don't." Kido encouraged.

"I know."

"Want me to get you something to eat? Maybe I'll sneak in a little something that's not quite tasteless." He offered. Kouji gave him a small nod now staring at the white wall in front of him.

_Knock knock!_

Dr. Kido opened the door, a tray of food in his hands. The knocks were just a courtesy, he didn't need permission to enter his patient's room. He sat the tray of food on the bed in front of Kouji. Without a word, Kouji quickly started eating his food. "Bring me something better tomorrow," Kouji groaned, now sitting Indian-style. Kido smiled and nodded. "Ah, don't forget your medicine." Kido held up a white tablet that Kouji must've 'forgotten' to take. Kouji glares daggers, but washes it down his throat with a glass of water. "I have some good news for you." He says cheerfully. Kouji stared at his doctor like he was kidding. "Starting tomorrow, we'll be letting you out this room. You can go around the institution and interact with some of the other patients. We even have a garden you can walk through." Kouji remained silent. "How's Kouichi-kun?" Dr. Kido asks, straight to the point. He could tell Kouji's mood darkened. "What about him?" He replies, voice turning cold, now looking at his doctor. "Do you see him?"

"If I don't, would ya let me out of here?"

Dr. Kido just sighed.

"Kouji, you should know that is not the way this works. So please answer my questions." Kouji turned away from and back to staring at a bare wall.

He wishes to God everyday that he didn't see his twin brother. That he didn't have to reminded of him every second of every minute of every day. It was all painful to him, to painful to realize that Kouichi was gone and that the Kouichi he sees most of the time was not real. At the same time, he wished to the Devil that that's all he sees. His Brother. That Kouichi would never leave him, and be apart of his life like he wanted him to. "I still see him. Every damn day."

"How is Kouichi doing?" Dr. Kido pushed a little more.

"He's changed." Kouji replied tiredly.

"Really? How?"

Kouji tilts his head, thinking about it. "He's different sometimes. Almost like he's forgetting who he is." He felt tears run down his cheeks. "Sometimes he's mean..Absolutely cruel.." He starts shaking as he cried harder.

After Kouji had stopped crying, hiccuping every once and a while. He told Dr. Kido he wanted to sleep before laying down. Kido nodded, smiling slightly before leaving his room with a small _'click!'_ of the door.

"He seems nice." A voice echoed in the room.

Kouji's dark blue eyes quickly opened wide and sat up seeing a shorter-haired boy in front of him, sitting with his knees to his chest on his bed. It was like he was looking in a mirror. Kouichi Kimera sat on his bed, giving him a small reassuring smile. Kouji didn't respond. He just kept on staring at his brother. Smiling.

* * *

What do you think? Please R&R! Means a lot!

I can't believe I killed Kouichi right before the story even begun. There will be a somewhat happy ending at the end..Although it sort of depends on your definition of a 'happy ending'..The story will only be 5 chapters long, I want it to be a short story..


	2. Exist

Om nom! Have some ANGST with angsty filling! So, yeah. This chapter contains: Angst, and attempted suicide. Did I mention angst? 'Cause that's sort of important

* * *

_Why did you let me die?_

_In such a violent way?_

_Die._

_Die with me._

Minamoto Satomi was staring. She couldn't help to.

Satomi stares at her step-son with concern who was sitting at their western-styled dining table. He stared at  
the empty space in front of him, even after she places food in front of him he still wouldn't budge. Like he was in a spell of some kind.

He had been like this ever since Kouichi's death.

"Kouji," Satomi's voice was soft. "You should eat something." She nudged forward the bowl of ramen that was in front of him closer. He looked up at her startled, like  
he didn't even notice she was there. "Is..Is he really dead? Please tell me the truth." He said quietly, but loud enough for Satomi to hear. "I..Kouji.." Satomi frowns. The doctors had warn  
them that denial was a symptom of grief. She nods. "Tell me the truth," Kouji reminds. "I'm sorry, Kouji. You were there. We buried his body over a year ago." It pained her to say this. "He's gone."  
Kouji lowers his head, staring at the design on the table cloth. Satomi leaned down and pecked him on the cheek before walking off.

"I'm still here, Kouji." Kouichi said making Kouji snap his head up. He looked so real and life-like. The softness of his voice, the scent of his shampoo that his hair always smell like. He was real. And he  
was sitting across the table from him. He stared at his brother's eyes, they looked pained and helpless. Kouji almost spoke up to apologize. Every time they would talk, Kouji would always apologize. It seemed like it was  
Kouji's fault anyways. Kouichi's expression had suddenly chance to anger and blame. "Sorry?" He asks bitterly. "Sorry?" He repeats again. "Do you think 'sorry' can change everything? Can it bring me back?" He starts shouting at him.  
"I don't want to be here as much as you don't want me here."

"That's not true. I want you to be here."

"Die for me." The words slipped out of Kouichi's mouth. Cold, Harsh, and not like him at all. He sat there, arms crossed, staring at his twin with accusing eyes. As if he was daring him to. Kouji's eyes start to tear up. Kouichi would never  
ask him of that. Kouji understands that it's only a projection of his own dark emotions. That the Kouichi in front of him was not real. Just his imagination. His own cruel imagination. The guilt was enough to make him go crazy, however. Kouichi should've never died. Kouji should be the one buried in the coffin.

_Die._

He wants to be with Kouichi again. The real Kouichi. If the only way is through death..why not?

_Don't leave me alone again._

He'll grant his wish.

He'll grant his own wish.

Kouji nods his head before silently standing up and walking upstairs, Kouichi following behind arms still crossed. He closed the bathroom door behind the two. He stood behind Kouji, watching as he turned on the water. It quickly filled with luke-warm water.

Kouji lays there submerged in a tub full of water. He can see through the water Kouichi looking over him. As he sinks himself further into the tub, he swears he could feel Kouichi's figner wrap tightly around his neck, pushing him farther down. "Do you think we can hang out in the afterlife?" Kouichi asks softly, like he's expecting a answer. Kouji blinked and suddenly Kouichi's expression changed. It had changed into worry and guilt.

_Don't die, Kouji._

_Please don't die._

_Don't die for me._

_Don't become like me._

_Please.

* * *

_

Dr. Kido knocked on the door before opening it. He sees Kouji on the bed, staring at a spot in front of him. He assumes Kouichi is here. Kouji looks at him, startled. "What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you that, Kouji-kun. Why aren't you going outside? You're no longer confined to your room." He reminds. "Maybe you can work on a tan," Kido jokes. Kouji shrugs, "I don't mind it here." Liar. "Why?" Dr. Kido asks. "I get to spend time with Kouichi here." He looks at Kouichi who was staring back, a soft smile on his face. Kouichi prefers not to speak when other people around, he assumes that Kouji doesn't like it and he was right. "You'll still see him even if you go outside!" Kido encourages. "He doesn't want to go outside though," Kouji says. He bites his chapped lips before explaining, "He says the people out there are scary."

"They're just people, Kouji. You need to socialize with people to help you transition back and into the real world."

"What if I don't want to go back to the _'real world'_?"

It made his doctor flinch. That would be the worse case possible, if Kouji never makes it back to reality. "It's not like you can grow old in here." Kido reasons, and he spoke with concern. "Please let me help you, Minamoto-kun." As Dr. Kido starts to leave, he reminds Kouji. "The door isn't locked anymore. You may go out anytime you wish." He says and smiles, pushing up his glasses before he left the room. The door closed behind him with a loud click.

Kouichi looks at Kouji from the other side of the room. "Don't you want to go outside?" Kouji shrugs, not knowing. "If you want to, I can go with you."

Kouji peeks his head out, looking up and down the hallway looking for other people. Other than his doctor, he hasn't seen a human being for weeks. Even if his family weren't allowed to visit him. Kouichi walks beside him, hands in his pockets. "The common area is up ahead, Kouji." Kouichi tells him before walking slightly ahead of him, hoping it'll encourage him. The common room was well..  
A room. A big, spacious room. Their were several chairs and couches for patients to sit, and there were various board games on tables. Of course, there were other people there, and he lowers his head. He refused to look at anybody else. "Are you okay?" Kouichi asks worriedly. Kouji nods quietly. He could tell Kouichi didn't really want to be here either. Kouji carefully sat on the couch with Kouichi a couple feet away. It felt like  
the couch could break any minute under him. Some of the furniture in the room looked more then a bit worn-out. "Hey, what's your name?" A boy walks towards him. And through Kouichi. Another reminder that the image in front of him wasn't real. He smiles happily at him, extending his arm out. "I'm Motomiya Daisuke." Kouji stared at him. "It's okay, bro." Kouichi says, moving out of the way. "He won't harm you." Kouji nods slightly and shakes the other boy's hand. "I'm Kouji." Daisuke smiles at him again, "Nice to meet you, Kouji."

"What are you here for?" He became curious about the older-looking boy in front of him. "Same as you, I guess. I see people."

Kouji tilts his head, "How do you know I see people?"

"It's rather obvious, to be honest."

Kouji didn't reply back. This was the first time he had met somebody with the same illness as he. "It's okay. I understand, ne."

"W-What kind of people do you see?"

"Tons of people!" Daisuke seemed happy about it, which surprised Kouji. "They come and go. I try to ignore them, but sometime I talk to them if they're nice.."

A loud bang suddenly interrupted their talk. They turned around to see a patient knocking over a tray of medicine that a nurse held and was panicking. It seemed to cause a domino effect because it caused some other patients to panic as well. Kouji's eyes widen. Why did he go here? "It's okay, Kouji." Kouichi speaks up. Kouji tries to ignore the cry and yelling of patients being dragged away to their rooms. "It's okay." He repeats.

It's okay?

How could it be okay?

"I told you they were scary."

* * *

Kouji couldn't get over the feeling of denial. Even after a year. He avoided talking to his new friends. Especially Takuya. He stopped talking to any other students.  
He even avoided making new friends. Especially the new girl. What was her name again? Kouji pretended to forget. The reason was because she reminded him a lot of Kouichi. It was the black hair he thinks. One day after class, she walks up to him when he's at his locker. "Hey Kouji!" She said, her side ponytail bouncing as she walks. "I was wondering.." Kouji immediately walked away not letting her continue talking, staring at the ground.

"She's cute.."

Kouji looked up and his eyes widen. "K-Kouichi?" He asks. He looked at the figure in front of him. Real. He looked so real. The hallways were now empty since everyone had gone back to class. Which was good. Nobody needed to see Kouji going insane. Kouichi nods though, smiling. Kouji felt like crying, "You aren't dead?" Kouji ran to him, arms wide wanting to hug him. He fell through him, hitting the ground. "E..Eh?" Kouji looked up at him, eyes wide and tears going down his cheeks. His brother's face mirrored.

* * *

"I can't believe he would do something like this," Takuya muttered to himself as he sat in a waiting room. Takuya was having a hard time enough dealing with the death of Kouichi, and Kouji dying as well is the last thing he needs.  
"Takuya-kun!" Takuya looked up from his multi-colored shoes and watched Zoe run up to him. "I got here as quick as I could," She sniffled. Takuya could tell she had been crying before hand. "How is he?" She asked, wiping her eyes.  
Takuya stared at her sadly. "He's alive if that's what you mean.."

x-x-xo-o-o

The doctors had left, his family had left. It was just him.

And Kouichi.

Kouichi had been staring at him the whole time. It took some time before Kouichi finally moved to sit in a chair next to Kouji's hospital bed. "I'm Sorry.."He whispers, tears running down his face. "I'm sorry.." His voice turned to nothing but  
a whisper. Kouji stared at him, not sure what to say. "I..I don't know what over came me. Please forgive me. How could I have said those things?" Kouichi starts wiping the tears away from his face. "Don't die for me. I'm so sorry.." Kouji  
just watches as more tears ran down his face. "Kouji. I don't know what I would do if you hated me. Bro.." Kouji smiled slightly, "I could never hate you." He says. Eventually Kouichi stops crying and he gave his brother a smile, "Thank you.."

o-o-ox-x-x

The lights on the white ceiling blinded him and Kouji shields his eyes, "Kouichi?" He asks as he heard a door open and close. "Sorry. It's just me, Kouji." Takuya said as he took a seat where Kouichi sat before. Kouji sat up and fell a sudden rush  
of panic. Until he sees Kouichi standing by Takuya. Kouji sighs in relief. "Zoe was here eariler, but she wanted to buy you a gift. She wanted me to let you know she'll drop by again later."

Kouji wasn't really listening.

"Eh? Kouji?"

"Hm?" Kouji turns his head to Takuya.

"Please promise me you'll never do that again." Takuya's voice was serious. Kouji looks away. He felt guilty for making the people who love him worry like that. But at the same time he wished he had died.

"Promise me, Kouji." Takuya's voice had a hint of anger this time. "Kouichi wouldn't have wanted you to do this."

"How would you know?" Kouji shot back.

"How would I know? Well of course I'd know! Kouichi never wanted anything to happen to you. He sacrificed his life, Kouji. Don't you owe him by living?"

Kouji didn't blink and just stared. "He was the one who told me to die." Takuya was taken back a bit for a moment. "Do you still see him?" He asks curiously. Kouji nodded.

* * *

Kido Shuu walked out of Minamoto Kouji's hospital room, sliding the door behind him. He signaled a boy that waited by the door to go ahead in. He sighed as he stared at his chart after the boy walked in the small room. He made up his mind. There's no other way around it. Shuu walks towards the waiting room, noticing that Kouji's parents had returned. After the 3 bowed to each other, Satomi was the first to speak. "Did Kouji say anything?" She asked. Shuu rubbed the back of his neck, "Yes he did. When he woke up he told me that Kouichi-kun was the one who told him to do it. " He says earning gasps from Satomi and Kousei.

"Kouji tried to kill himself," He continued. "If you'll agree to it, I can get him some help. My younger brother is a doctor and a psychiatrist. He can look after Kouji."

_(Present day)_

Kouji felt the warmth on his sickly pale-colored skin. It felt good to be outside again. One of the last times he was outside he was walking his dog, Haruki. Kouji ran his hands through his hair that went down to the middle of his back. He missed having a ponytail. He missed a lot of things. "I'm happy," Kouichi speaks up as he walked beside his brother in the garden. "Happy for what?" Kouji questioned. "That you're starting to feel happier." Kouichi states, his smile getting bigger. Kouji returned a smile. Kouji continued to stroll through the garden. He felt the wind lightly hit his face as he heard his brother speak. "What do you think defines existence?" Kouichi asks randomly. Kouji turned around to face him. Kouji shrugs, "I've always been told that you exist if you believe you do." Kouichi frowns, a confused expression on his face.

"Yeah, but..You don't believe. I'm right here, but you don't believe I'm really here." His voice stayed calm. Kouji shrugs again, "I don't know what to believe now. I watched you be buried."

Kouichi looks down, voice remained calm but now sounded distant. "So that means I don't really exist. Does that mean I never existed?" Kouji only grew more confused, "Eh? Of course you existed, Kouichi." Kouji walked over to stand right in front of him. "Tell me, Kou. Are you real?" He asks.

Kouichi gave him a sad sigh. "I believe I'm real. You said it yourself, right? 'You exist if you believe you do'. And if that's what you believe in, then I'm real." Kouji felt a rush of relief go through him. "You're real." He breaths out. "That's all you have to believe." Kouichi frown turns to a smile. Kouji grins, "That's all I have to believe."

"Please believe in my existence. I don't want to disappear."  
-

* * *

Done with Chapter 2! So annngggssttyy. I LUB it. The girl at the end, was sort of suppose to be my character, Meghan, from NH/FH. Although she doesn't have to be if you don't want her to be. She most likely won't show up again in the story. And yes, the story will be filled with tons of random flashbacks.


	3. Reunion

I do not own the digimon franchise. And that's probably a good thing, judging from this story..

* * *

"I've arranged for your family to visit you today." Dr. Kido announced to his patient when he first entered the room.

"My family?" Kouji stares, eyes wide.

"Yes," Kido replied. "In fact, I'm sure they're on their way right now." He smiles.

* * *

"Kouji!" Satomi cried out, hugging her step-son tightly. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Satomi." Kouji says as he embraces her back. They settled themselves at a table in the common rooms.

"Kouji, how have you been?" She asks.

"I've been fine, Mom." He reassures. He wasn't sure weather or not to call her 'Mom' or 'Satomi' like he's always been doing.

Satomi looked at him nervously, it was the first time she's seen him since he was committed. He looked so fragile and pale. Almost like a doll.

"You don't blame us do you?" Satomi asks, wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye. "For putting you here?"

The expression on his step-mother's nearly killed him. He had caused her to feel this way. He looks into the eyes of his step mother's again.

"No." He said. That was the truth, too. He had no reason to blame his parents. They put them in here because they cared. They wanted him to get better.  
"I'm sorry," He apologizes.

"There's nothing to apologize for." She placed a hand over his.

"Where's dad?" Kouji finally had the courage to ask.

"He couldn't make it today,"Satomi said with a frown.

"He couldn't make it or he didn't want to make it?" Kouji couldn't help but ask.

"It's not because he doesn't want to see you, Kouji. And he doesn't think work is more important either." Satomi quickly tells him. "Kouji, your father loves you."  
She reassures him. "It's just that he's finding it hard to accept everything, that's all. When Kouichi died and you became ill, it really took a toll on him." She explains. Kouji nodded his head, remaining silent.

"Kouji."

"Hm?" Kouji looked back up at his mother.

"Do you still see Kouichi?" She eyed him anxiously.

"Not that much anymore."

Now that was a lie. Because Kouichi was right next to him on the couch.

"Get better soon," Satomi smiles.

"I'll try."

* * *

"What's wrong?" Kouji asks as he stood in the middle of _their_ room.

Kouichi didn't reply, and only continued watching the blank wall in front of them. He was feeling lonely now that his step mother had left. To have Kouichi not talk to him only made things much worse. "Tell me." Kouji demands.

"I miss my mom." Kouichi confesses, his voice was full of sadness and sorrow.

"Kouichi.."

"I want to see her so badly. But I can't." Kouichi took his eyes off the wall and looks at Kouji. "Because she can't see me. No one sees me. It's just you, Kouji. And even you ignore me sometimes. Even you deny my existence."

"I'm..I'm sorry.."

"It's not fair!" Kouichi states and glares at him with jealously. "Why do you get to see your family but I don't? Why did I have to die?"

Kouji could only hang his head down with guilt as Kouichi blamed him. He felt so guilty for being able to indulge if only for a little while on the love of his family. Or his mother at least. Why wasn't he allowed to see his family and enjoy his time with them, just because Kouichi can't. _That's_ unfair.

His face turns into a stern and determined look. He could no longer afford to indulge in his fantasies anymore. He had to escape this somehow. Not just for his sake, but for the sake of the people that love him.  
No matter how sad and depressed or angry Kouichi looked..it wasn't real.

He has to get better.

* * *

Kido entered into Kouji's room, a small smile on his face. "How was the visit from your family?"

"I didn't realize how much I missed Satomi," Kouji says, trying to ignore Kouichi beside him. "Will I be able to see her again?"

"Of course," Kido assures him. "They'll come back and visit you again."

Not really what Kouji meant.

"Will I ever get out of here?"

"You can. If that's what you want."

Kouji nodded his head, determined. "I want to." He says, trying to ignore the glares he was getting from Kouichi. "Thank you," Kouji whispered.

"What for?" Kido tilted his head at him. As far as was concerned, he hasn't been able to do anything for Kouji. Except for maybe being an annoying nagging doctor.

"For letting me see my family. And for always being patient with me despite how unbearable I can become." Kouji gave him a smile. He won't mention the fact that his dad never showed up.

"It was the least I could do."  
**

* * *

**

The next person to visit Kouji was Takuya. It was as if Kido was trying to remind him of reality and keep him with thoughts other then Kouichi. Besides, as much as he hate to admit it, he missed Takuya.

Takuya smiles warmly at Kouji as he sees him for the first time in ages. "So..Do you like it here?" Takuya asks. Kouji frowns at him, "What kind of question is that?"

Takuya looks around the room, "Yeah, I guess you're right. But it ain't so bad." Takuya states. "Hey, look they even have board games you can play!"

"Who am I going to play with?"

Takuya gasps exaggeratedly, "Don't tell me you've gone back to being a loner!"

Kouji rolled his dark blue eyes. He wasn't really annoyed, that's just how their friendship worked it seemed. "Say.."Takuya looked at him very seriously, "I..Is Kouichi here?" He couldn't help but ask. He secretly wished Kouichi really was here. But he couldn't tell Kouji that.

"I missed you too, Takuya."Kouichi says beside Kouji as he leans his elbows on the table. He looked at the brunette with a sad smile. Kouji sighs as he watches Kouichi. He never completely ignores Kouichi. It was kind of hard to do so when Kouichi was with him all the time. Kouji still talked to him every once in awhile, trying to not to do so too much. Kouichi seemed peaceful and happy today, much to Kouji's relief.

"Yeah. He's here."Kouji replies. "He's looking right at you."

"E-Eh?" Takuya looks around. Kouji smiles amused. It's not like Takuya can see him even if he tried.

Takuya breathed out a laugh before turning serious again. "But you're getting better, right?" Takuya asks him.

"I guess so." Was he? He wasn't quite sure, but he was currently trying now.

"Well keep working hard at it!" Takuya nods his head encouragingly. "I'll come visit you whenever I get a chance to. And I'll get Zoe to come visit you with me sometime! And I'll tell the doctor to keep you company more often. Do you want me to ask him to come play games with you?"

"I'm not a child! I don't need you to make friends for me!" Kouji pouted, crossing his arms and let out a 'hmph!'.

Takuya laughed and soon Kouji found himself laughing with him.  
_**

* * *

**_

Kouji's body shook as he sat in his bed at home. His heart raced in his chest, pounding. He closes his eyes and he sees his twin brother. He opens his eyes and he sees his twin brother.

_He died._

Those words just _had_ to play over and over in his head. He was there when Kouichi's heart finally stopped. He kept replaying that memory in his head over and over.

_Kouichi died._

He remembers staring at the bloodied cloth that laid on his head. The area of his hair was tangled and had blood on it. He imagines that if Kouichi wasn't in that coma he would've been screaming in pain.

Kouji blinks back the tears. It has already been a week since he heard the news but he still couldn't believe it. He didn't believe it because Kouichi was right there. Looking at him. Looking real. Looking hurt.

"I didn't die, Kouji."Kouichi kept on reminding him. "I'm not dead."

Kouji let out his shaky breath.

"Who are you going to believe? Them? Or me?" Kouichi asked accusingly at him and he sounded angry.

Kouji wasn't sure how to reply to that. He watch Kouichi die right there on the operating table. He was there when the doctors pronounced him dead. But, there he is. Right here.

"How do I believe you when no one else can see you?" Kouji had to ask. Despite his brother being right in front of him, despite looking so real, that fact isn't something he could ignore either. It could only mean that he was going insane.  
"Who are you?" Kouji asks, because if Kouichi was truly dead, then the person in front of him was only a stranger in Kouichi's form.

Kouichi looks at him angry, frustrated and annoyed by his words. "Do you really have to ask me that?" He shouts.

"I'm sorry."  
**

* * *

**

"Stop ignoring me, Kouji." Kouichi sighs exasperatedly beside him but Kouji continued with what he was doing. "I know you can hear me Kouji. I know you can see me Kouji. Do we have to play this game? Please. I miss talking to you." But Kouji kept on ignoring him. Kouji lets out another sigh before giving up and remaining silent. When Kouji's step mother finally left the room, Kouji turned around to face Kouichi.

"Stop talking to me," Kouji whispers.

"Why?"

"Because you can't be real."

"Not this again, Kouji. How many times do I have to tell you I'm real?" He asks in frustration. "Your funeral is tomorrow!" Kouji exclaims. "How can you expect me to believe you're still alive?"

"But I'm right here."Kouichi cried out.

"Who are you talking to, Hun?" Satomi asks as she peeked her head into the room. Kouji turns away from Kouichi and a calm expression is on his face. "Just mumbling to myself."He tells her. He refrained from talking to Kouichi when other people were around But he knows his family was beginning to suspect. However he's managed to convince them all that his hallucinations were gone and his mental state was 100% perfectly healthy. The only person he couldn't convince was himself.

And Kouichi.

When Satomi leaves Kouji turns around again. Kouichi had his arms crossed.

"Don't be angry with me." Kouji tried to calm Kouichi but the truth is that Kouichi had no idea what he was doing. He was starting to talk to Kouichi as if he's really real again.

Soon his reality would be shattered completely. Tomorrow he'll have to face the reality. Tomorrow he'll have to bury his twin.

Kouichi looks up at him like a scared child. "What if I am dead Kouji? What would that mean?"

Kouji swallowed, "I don't know.." He whispers. He sat on his bed, running his fingers through his hair.

* * *

Just a heads up, folks. The next two final chapters will be depressing as hell. :(


	4. Deluded

I do not own Digimon Frontier in any way.

* * *

Kouji lets out a small sigh as he walked down the hallway and to Dr. Kido's office, thankful that he now has sessions in his office rather then that small room of his. Kouji sits down on the couch in Kido's office and looks at him nervously. Kouichi decided to accompany him there today.

"How about you talk to me about your biological mother." Kido announced and then smile reassuringly. He sat in a seat in front of the younger man.

It was definitely a subject that Kido needed to dive into in order to better understand Kouji's mental state. "From my information here, your mother and father divorce when you were very young and your mother took custody of Kouichi. Did you get a chance to visit Tomoko?"

Kouji freezes. He wasn't prepared for such a topic, his mother.

"No. I never met her. At least not until the funeral."

"Ah. You both meet, but only because of extreme circumstances."

Kouji nods before he continues, "Before Kouichi died, he promised me he'll get me to meet her." Kouji looked up from staring at his pants and at his doctor. "She's so nice.." He tried to blink away the tears. "_Was_ so nice.." Kouichi tilted his head at him, eyes wide. "W-Was?" He exclaims. Kouji's tears rolled down his face, nodding a little. "What happened to my mother, Kouji?" Kouichi remembered that his mother had a sickness, but was never specifically told what it was exactly. "Kouji.." Kouichi was now crying along with him. "Tell me!" Kouichi urges him. "Tell me now, what happened to my mother?"

Kouji had to ignore him. As much as it hurt him, he had to. He felt his heart shatter as he heard Kouichi's sobs.

"Kouji," Kido spoke up. "Are you alright?" His voice filled with worry. Kouji gave a shrug, feeling like he was losing himself once more.

Kido stood up from his chair and went to his drawers and pulled out Kouji's medication. "It's time for your medication." Kido says pouring a glass of water, bringing both over to Kouji.

He held up the glass and pill for Kouji to take. Kouji absentmindedly reaches for it but a quiet voice stopped him.

"Don't." Kouichi whispers. Kouji hesitates and freezes.

"Don't take the medicine." Kouichi tells him. "It'll break us apart." Kouji looked at Kouichi now, looking at his tear stained face.

"Kouji." called out to him again and Kouji was forced to tear his attention away from Kouichi.

Kouji stared at his doctor, confused. Taking the medicine would help him get better. To not take it would be to betray Kouichi. To not see Kouichi again.

"I don't want to lose you again." Kouichi said, sniffling.

Kido hands him the tablet and water. Kouji looked at the tablet in his hand before moving his hand to his mouth.

"Don't.."

* * *

Kouji made it back to his room with Kouichi following behind him. He stopped in front of his door and look at Kouichi. Kouichi just looked down at the ground. Kouji could tell how depressed he was. It was like Kouji killed Kouichi himself.

"I didn't take it." Kouji tells him in a quiet voice.

Kouichi's head finally lifts up to look at him.

"I didn't. Take it." Kouji reassures and holds up the blue pill in his hand. Kouichi stared in disbelief.

"But I saw you." he said quietly as Kouji did.

Kouji smiled bitterly, "But I didn't take it. I slipped it away into my sleeve before it reached my mouth."

Kouichi let a sigh of relief, "Thank you." He smiles.

Kouji smiled back as Kouichi is finally able to smile and look at him again. It didn't make him feel better though. He knew he shouldn't have done it. Despite how Kouichi smiled at him and despite the sense of relief he felt to finaly have been able to cheer Kouichi up. Somewhere deep down he knew it was wrong. Everything was wrong.

* * *

Kouji continued to not take his pills. Every time Kido handed him his medicine he'd pretend to take it. He'd hide it away and when he was back in his room, he'd stash it under his pillow. And the best part, Kouichi continued smiling at him, saying things like "thank you, you're the only person I have left." But Kouji found it harder and harder to smile back. How long can he keep this up?

He loved his brother. But felt trapped. He complied with Kouichi's wishes because they were also his wishes. He didn't want him to disappear either. He wanted to keep Kouichi by his side and wanted to spend time with him just like he said he would back in the digital world.

It was a deluded happiness. But he accepted it.

"Kouji."Kouichi spoke, glancing out the barred window. "Do you want to go outside again?"

Kouji looks at him startled.

"I want to see the sun again." Kouichi tells him. "I'm sure you do too."

Kouji nods his head. His brother's wishes were his wishes, after all.

Kouji breathed in the fresh air, feeling the sun on his skin. "You're not happy, are you?" Kouichi asks beside him, frowning. "No." Kouji says honestly. The two stood in silence, Kouichi being unable to reply. The two just looked at each other in silence.

That's when Kouji realized something. He was taller then his brother now. Kouji continued to grow while Kouichi stayed the same height. Kouji's face matured a bit, but Kouichi..Kouichi stayed the same. Even wore the same clothes he died in. They both didn't look like twins anymore. Kouji felt his heart shatter again and again. If Kouji could imagine Kouichi being here, why couldn't he imagine him being taller. He didn't want to look like he'd be his older brother. He wanted to be his twin.

"I'm sorry I can't make you happy anymore."Kouichi apologies, making Kouji snap out of his thoughts.

Kouji gave him a small smile, "As long as you're here with me, I'm fine." He told Kouichi.

* * *

I actually started to tear up a bit in the beginning. Ah~ One last chapter, ne? This story felt so short. But I guess it's because I've gotten use to doing 10+ chapter stories.


	5. Ending

Kouji headed to his doctor's office for another session of therapy, with Kouichi trailing behind him. Kouji sighs desperately, not wanting Kouichi to be his chaperon. Every few seconds Kouji would look behind his shoulder to see if Kouichi was still marching happily behind him.

'_I should do it today.._' Kouji thinks darkly.

"Do what?" Kouichi asks, but Kouji just gives him a glare.

Kouji opened the office door, not bothering to knock. Dr. Kido looked up from his files on his desk and at Kouji. "Kouji-kun, come in! Sit down!" He said cheerfully. Kouji nods at him as he went to take a seat on the couch. With Kouichi beside him.

Kido went to go sit in a chair in front of Kouji. "How have you been feeling recently?" Kido asks.

"Sad," Kouji replied.

Kido sighed quietly to himself. It always felt like Kouji was taking one step forward and three steps back.

"I miss him.." Kouji swallows hard. "I miss Kouichi so much.."

"Kouji-kun, you have to learn to let Kouichi go." Kido tells Kouji. "It doesn't mean you're betraying him. Everything you shared in the past will still be there, but he's no longer here with you now. He won't be able to be there for you in the future. You have to learn to accept that, so the pain will eventually ease." He says sternly. Kouji just stared at him, unable to reply. Despite not looking at him, he could tell Kouichi was staring as well. Taking in what he just heard.

"Kouj," Kido says, his voice turning slightly harsher. "Kouichi is no longer here anymore. You have to live your life." He consoles. "Please let him go."

Kouji swallows again before nodding.

To Kouji, it only seemed like the only thing Kido could do to help him was to give him pep talks. But Kouji nods his head anyways, not having much hope for himself. Suddenly he hears a beeping noise in front of him. Kido stands up, turning off the alarm off on his watch.

"Ah, time for your medicine."

Kouji watches as his doctor goes over to his drawer. He takes a deep breath before looking back down at his feet.

"Here," Kido helds out a pill in his palm and a cup of water in his other hand. Kouji nods and took both from him. Kouichi had no problem with this, he knew the whole routine. Kouji looks down at the pill in his hand hesitatingly before swallowing and drinking some of the water afterwords. Kouichi just smiled unknowingly.

Until Kouji gave him a look that said "_sorry_".

Kouichi's expression changed instantly. From happiness to absolute rage.

"E-Eh? You...You didn't...!"

He watches as Kouichi stands up as his body shook from the tears that were streaming down his face. "What are you doing, Kouji?"

"Kouji-kun? Are you okay?" Kido speaks up, large amount of concern in his voice. Kouji hands him the cup before walking calmly out of the room, leaving a crying Kouichi behind.

* * *

Kouji's walking soon turned into jogging as he makes his way towards his room and closes the door behind him.

"Am I worth nothing now that I'm dead?" Kouichi asks as he stood in front of the other boy, staring at him with hate in his eyes. Kouji just remained silent.

"Why do you think I'm dead in the first place?" He asks but didn't want a reply. "You know, right. You understand it, right..? Everything was your fault!" He starts yelling. "I wouldn't have died if I never wanted to meet you."

He watches as Kouichi starts becoming breathless, walking closer and closer to him. Kouji just watched Kouichi as he started breaking from the inside out. Kouichi looked at him in the eyes and those eyes only held anger, jealousy and hatred as he's taken in by the dark emotions that Kouji's betrayal stayed within him.

"What the hell did I die for then?" Kouichi asks, panting. "If it wasn't for you..Then why did I have to die? I'm dead because of you. I sacrificed my life." He looks at Kouji, glaring. "You might as well have killed me yourself." He says coldly.

"I'm sorry!" Kouji yells out to him, frustrated. "I'm sorry! I'll make it up to you!"

"How?" Kouichi asks. A few seconds later he got a reply.

"I'll die for you."

Kouji gave him a determined look after he said that.

* * *

Kouji had realized much earlier that he would never get out of here. He thinks that he'll never be cured, because he would never _allow_ himself to be cured. He doesn't want to live in a world with this raging illusion following him around. If he wanted to kill himself, it wouldn't be because of this _fake_. But because he wanted to be with the real Kouichi. He didn't want to be around this Illusion anymore. An illusion that made him feel worse. A illusion hat would never leave him alone.

Kouichi only stared at him in silence as Kouichi took the stash of pills from under his pillow. He looked at Kouichi and Kouichi only continued to stare at him. There was no expression on his face. Kouji gave him one last look.  
A look that spoke of anger.

Kouji grabbed a handful of the pills, and shoved the pills into his mouth one by one.

Dr. Kido pushes the door open. His eyes widen in shock as he sees Kouji shove the last of the pills into his mouth. What was this? Why? Kido rushes to his side, pulling Kouji's hand away from his mouth but it was too late. All the pills had been swallowed. How many pills did he swallow?

Kouji smiles at him warmly as he laid on the bed.

"Kouichi.."He whispers.

* * *

Dr. Kido sat in the waiting area of the hospital hallway. '_What kind of doctor am I..?_' He thinks to himself. He hears the loud and quickening footsteps from someone down the hallway from him and Kido lifts his head immediately. The person's face looked familiar to him.

"Dr. Kido," Takuya says, anger in his voice as he walked up to the much taller man.

"Kanbara-kun?" He questions.

"If you weren't twice my age and taller then me, I'd beat your fucking ass!" Takuya shouts out at him.

"Takuya-kun!"

He turns around to see a girl his age running up to him. She was still in her pajamas, and her hair a mess. Zoe starts panting when she finally made it to him, "How's Kouji-kun?" She looks at him with hopeful eyes. Takuya only gave her a shrug, and motioned his head towards Kido. She looks up at the doctor and before she asks he answers her question.

"He still hasn't woken up yet."

The three stared helplessly at the closed door to Kouji's hospital room.

* * *

Kido felt the stingy pain of the slap across his cheek and could only bow apologetically in front of Kouji's mother.

"If Kouji survives this, I'm never sending him back there!" Satomi announces, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm not sending my only child back to that place just so he can drown in his own sorrow!"

"I'm sorry," Kido look at her with guilt and sadness before bowing again.

"Just what kind of place are you running where you don't keep a better eye on your patients?"

Her voice starts to become harsh, pointing a finger threateningly at him. "If Kouji dies..So..help me."

Kousei now stands in front of his wife, grabbing her shoulders making her look at him. Satomi lets out a sob, her arms clinging to her husband.

"Takuya..What if.." Zoe felt as if she was about to cry as well. She and Takuya sat in two of the chairs in the hallway, Takuya comforting Zoe. Takuya bit his lip, trying to not cry as well. He had to be strong for Zoe. Zoe reached for the phone inside her purse. "I should call Junpei and maybe Tomoki.." She pauses for a second, a tear dropping from her face. "How can I tell Tomoki this?" Zoe turns her head to Takuya. Looking for some sort of answer in his eyes. Takuya only gave her a shrug as he felt tears wanting to come out.

"Excuse me? Satomi? Kousei?" Kido Shuu walked up to the couple.

The look of sorrow on his face said it all.

* * *

Sorry it took me so long to post this story up. I have a bit of a writers block and when I finally got this written up, my computer imploded in on itself, so this story ended in a really lame way, ne?

I hope you enjoyed it anyways, and don't mind the extremely sad ending. D:


End file.
